Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Every day that I wake up I tell myself that I have a chance to live the rest of my life from this moment on. I say this even though I do not know what day it is. I dream vivid lucid dreams. Every night I live wonderfully wild, terribly terrifying, and beautifully constructed lives that live so deep within my consciousness that by the time the next day arrives, I often cannot remember what day I am waking up to and usually have difficulty piecing together previous days. I used to meticulously keep track of everything I did and felt from day to day, then week to week. I created an elaborate chart that recorded my daily emotions, my daily activities, urges, sleep patterns, moods, interactions and any thing else that could help me remember my waking life. I was trying to learn the art of mindfulness as a skill to help me shape my illness, all the while staying obsessed about trying to keep the past in records and calculations. I tried to take those calculations and apply them to my future choices. I wanted to make more logical, less emotional pathways towards a better life, a life where I could remember the past and know what day it was.  Now, well the dreams are still outrageous and I still cannot remember what day it is for a bit after I open my eyes. I do remember though that every day that I open my eyes is a good start, and that every good start is a fresh start, and that every fresh start is an opportunity to let go of the past. Letting go is the sole of mindfulness and letting go through mindfulness is very hard to do (and even harder to maintain). Mindfulness is a practice. Mindfulness is a way of living and a way of being. Mindfulness is about slowing down and taking note of the moment. Practicing mindfulness is to practice letting time stand still from one second to the next. Every day I wake up and tell myself that today is a fresh new day with fresh new possibilities and that, for this second, I do not need to know what day it is, all I need to know is all around me hidden in the sights, sounds, and scents that surround me.