Book

I am presently reading a book  that has me feeling that I am reading my own brain. There have been times of weeping and times of confusing. I begin to remember things, or maybe they are dreams. I don't know it's a foggy type of memory.

A recent passage I read....

I feel frustrated now when I hear people referring to suicide as a self-centered act: of course it is. Nobody would commit if the pain of being inside herself, the agony of the sleepless tortured hours spent watching the world get smaller and uglier, were bearable or could be relieved by other people telling her how they wanted her to feel.  A depressed person is selfish because her self, the very core of who she is will not leave her alone, and she can no more stop thinking about this self and how to escape it then a prisoner held captive by a sadistic serial killer can forget about the person who comes in to torture her every day. Her body is brutalized by the mind. I hurts to breathe, sleep, eat, walk, think. The gross maneuvering of her limbs are so overwhelming, so wearying, that the fine muscle movements or quickness of wit necessary to write , to actually say something, are completely out of the question


Stacy Pershall
Loud in the House of Myself - memoir of a strange girl
pgs. 134-135


I have completely lost count how many times I have been down this road, crawled through this path. For now I am managing rather well. I have to tell you though that I am awfully aware of that devil on my shoulder. I am older now and wiser and have been through too much therapy, so I cant say that I am affraid of that monster inside me. I simply have to remain prepared.I have a care plan in place so that doctors and nurses know where I stand in my own health care needs and most of all they will have my desires regarding my child. Talk to your local CMHA(Canadian Mental Health Association). To help you find resources and safe places. You can also contact either your local crissis line or try the front few pages of the phone book for crissis information lines. The Suicide distress line is 1-800-SUICIDE. 1-800-784-2433  The help line for children is 310-1234. And the kids help l 1phone is.1-800-668-6868

When it gets too hard, thats ok, there is no shame in asking for help. In our society we have the belief that we are supposed to handle all of our affairs independently. This is just not the case, Human beings are not designed to be alone, we live in communities for a reason. And It can be astounding what people will do for each other, Ask and you shall recieve.